From here on in there will be excerpts from my diary……..
(July 3rd, 2022)
I sit in bed on waking, my first full day here in my new home in Oaxaca. So many emotions are arising. I am realising I feel lost and disconnected. So much around me feels ‘out of balance’. I feel this world I’m existing in is no longer a part of me. The inhumane act of mask wearing, which despite Mexico’s openness and unmandated vaccination rules, is necessary here, has taken me by surprise and is having an impact on me, (not that I am playing into the wearing of them), which it did also in Australia. I feel this is adding to my disconnect and emptiness in a world I can no longer understand or feel I want to be a part of, despite me having an understanding on what is really at play here.
Saying this though, where would I go? If everything is an illusion and nothing is real, to ‘go’ and be sent back here is not an option. How do I open my heart, find meaning, understanding and joy in a world that no longer seems to have meaning and feels so out of balance.
All that I have done to get me here, has now opened an emptiness within me that is leaving me to feel like I am floating in a sea of nothingness and emptiness.
“The answers are inside Liz, it begins with you”, I hear. I don’t know where or how at this point though!!!
I really don’t know anymore.
I don’t know how to survive, what to do, how to do it and WHY DO IT.
Who am I? What am I? What is it I’m to find? What is it I’m to do???
I am on the verge of INSANITY, swimming in a sea of emptiness.
ALONE!!!!!!
Comments